Katharine’s XXX Movie Reviews: Spring Fever

Fast Five – 5 Big Os

The erotic thrill of Vin Diesel’s macho good looks, fast cars and illegal activity never disappoints.  They could make 20 sequels of these and I’d go every time … at least until Vin gets wrinkly.  Bonus points rewarded for setting it in Brazil, the ultimate sexy beach country.  Fast = speed of my panties dropping, Five = the number of Os this film gets.

African Cats – 3 Big Os

I’m a huge fan of watching nature flicks — nothing gets your juices flowing like seeing some hardcore, authentic animal action, am I right?  Unfortunately, while it was very beautiful to look at, all the good parts were “Disneyfied” like we were watching some kind of cartoon.  No gory slaughters, no hot bestial humping … what’s the point?  Samuel L. Jackson’s narration, also, did not feature the utterance of a single “motherfucker.”  Three Os.

Bridesmaids – 4 Big Os

Yuck.  Who wants to see a movie about six women celebrating monogamy?  Snore!  One O.

Update:  Shirley saw the Bridesmaids review and punched me in the face, so after reluctantly agreeing to actually go see the film, I must revise my statement and say it was pretty good.  And I was impressed with Kristin Wiig’s cleverness. If I wrote my own movie, I’d totally cast Jon Hamm as my fuckbuddy, too.  Rawrrrl!  Four Os.

Rio – 1 Big O

As previously mentioned, any movie set in Brazil is going to be sexy … unless it’s an animated feature about birds. Furthermore, it was completely inauthentic.  There was not a single visible male or female ass cheek on that beach. Nothing like my trip to Rio.  One O.

I won’t lie, I was really excited about this one, due to the combo of Robert Pattinson with my already pronounced clown fetish.  I was deeply disappointed to discover much of the movie’s time was wasted with chaste longing from afar … barf!  Two Os.

	Thor – 5 Big Os

Have you seen the hot sex that is Chris Hemsworth?  And all his muscle-bound glory is available in 3D IMAX!  Oh, god of thunder, I’d let you pound me with your magic hammer any day!!  Five Os.

Hope this helps you dodge some groaners when picking your date night feature … I’ll be back with my top blockbuster hits before you know it!

Kisses,
Katharine

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