1) She accidentally opens your mail – That’s OK
She hacks into your Facebook account and blocks all your friends so it looks like everyone abandoned you and she’s the only who cares – That’s NOT OK
2) She takes your clothes without asking – That’s OK
She takes hair samples to create a synthetic weave to match your exact color and texture – That’s NOT OK
3) She puts you to bed when you’re too drunk to do it on your own – That’s OK
She watches you while you sleep even when your boyfriend sleeps over – That’s NOT OK
4) She brings you soup when you’re sick – That’s OK
She force-feeds you unlabeled black market “herbal” “supplements” – That’s NOT OK
5) She jokingly suggests you could be sisters – That’s OK
She takes blood samples from you AND your mother without your knowledge then doctors the DNA results – That’s NOT OK
6) She gives you the silent treatment for a few days when you two have a fight – That’s OK
She punches you in the gut then locks you in a cage while she cries and says, “Why did you make me do that?” – That’s NOT OK
7) She gives her opinion about a guy you’re seeing – That’s OK
She pulls out a Spreadsheet of all the guys you’ve ever been with and compares them to your current guy – That’s NOT OK
8) She invites you to her church – That’s OK
She invites you to her basement to participate in a ritual sacrifice that will seal your friendship forever – That’s NOT OK
9) She Wants to go on vacation with you – That’s OK
She wants to go on vacation with you to a remote place, then finds strange reasons other people can’t come – That’s NOT OK
**Pay attention to the excuses she makes. If they sound like, “I get really jumpy with more than two people sleeping in the same tent…” Or, “I only have enough trail mix for 2 people. Plus I had a special 2 person game of Murder planned for us,” then your bestie might be psycho.
10) She asks you to come with her to her grandmother’s funeral – That’s OK
She asks you to come with her for a drive down the coast so she can scatter the ashes of her former bestie – That’s NOT OK
If your bestie has exhibited any of the above behavior yet you still love her crazy ass then check out Increase Our Bust’s “Celebrate Your Bestie” sketch series!
