If Grocery Stores Were Spaceships

These days, stocking up on toilet paper before curry-and-taco-night is way more important than making the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.  Yep, the space race has come and gone and we have all of these wonderful science-fiction spaceships languishing around the universe.  What better way to welcome in the age of the space-shuttle-less future than converting some of our favorite rocket ships into grocery stores!  We all need quarts of milk, but who really needs to go warp speed?

Worry not; the integrity of each ship’s design, function, and personality will be kept in tact in grocery store form!

Here are the top ten supermarket-spaceship hybrids.

Marks & Spencer – TARDIS

A British-crafted spaceship for a beloved British supermarket!  Grab your blood pudding, spotted dick, and biscuits – but be careful not to accidentally transport yourself to the Ood-Sphere.

Piggly Wiggly – Millennium Falcon

A “down home” feel defines both the South’s own Piggly Wiggly and Han Solo’s “piece of junk” spaceship.  Hey, she may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts…the sweet tea, Cheerwine, and grits aisles.

Food Lion – The Betty

The run-down, beat to heck ship from Alien Resurrection might not be the nicest place to be.  Nor is Food Lion.  Be sure to double-check your Lucky Charms for varmints and Alien queen embryos!

Publix – Heart of Gold

Zaphod Beeblebrox’s stolen ship comes with the Infinite Improbability Drive; Publix’s service is always improbably good.  Don’t be surprised if your bagboy has three arms.

Dean & Deluca – USS Enterprise

Most everything on the Enterprise functions seamlessly.  The ship is clean, efficient, and dependable – a perfect place for a hoity-toity Dean & Deluca to set up shop.  Worf will even trim your wagyu beef tenderloin for you.

Trader Joe’s – Serenity

Trader Joe’s is basic, a little on the cheap side – but it gets the job done.  Pick up your T.J.’s brand hummus and some cheap-o wine.  Mal and the crew were never into frills anyway.

Whole Foods – Moya

If you don’t want the living, breathing spaceship from Farscape to vomit on its shoppers, best to fill it with organic, all-natural wares.

A&P – Battlestar Galactica

It is fitting that the oldest grocery store chain in the U.S. takes over the ancient, tired Battlestar.  Finally, Adama’s ship can shut down the FTL drive and simply dispense beer, sugar, and kitty litter.  Isn’t it time to trade in pesky Cylons for extreme couponers?

7-11 – Planet Express

Futurama‘s courier ship gets the job done time and time again, usually within twenty-two minutes of programming, which is, curiously, the same amount of time it takes to get in your car, drive to 7-11, and pick up a Dr. Pepper and some Funyuns.

Costco – Cylon Basestar

Cylons love bulk.  Each of the thirteen skinjobs comes in multiples.  All the metallic toaster copies are as innumerable as the pallets of canned olives — or for that matter — pallets of bargain-priced [actual] toasters you’ll find at Cylon-Costco.


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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world's foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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