I Wanna Have Your Baby

Let’s get our facts straight, first.  I, personally, do not want to have your baby.  I’ve heard being pregnant really cuts into your drinking time.  But if not for my ongoing menage a three with Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan.

But, I think Delores Santangeli, frozen yogurt, and I would be best buds.  I mean, I’ve gotten in fights with upscale salespeople before, but usually not when sober.  And think about it: the types of foods craved by pregnant women and drunks aren’t really all that different, so we could eat fried chicken and pickles together until we burst.  Besides, I really need a designated driver friend (Lucille doesn’t count; she’s a fuckin’ buzzkill), and Delores looks like she really knows how to shake that baby-maker at the clubs.

Watch the series for more of Delores’ unusually strong birth canal, and appearances by the majority of the SNL cast!  They know the non-Pabst and beer nuts route to my heart.

For the record, if my beer belly had a baby inside it, it’d be Captain Morgan’s — that guy is a scraggly fox. But not Jack Daniels, he comes off as kind of a douche.


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About the author

Shirley's surly and revels in lowbrow humor involving drinking, swearing or sex. Are you a Shirley?

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