This ultimate True Blood party is the cure to any True Blood hangover.
Are you mourning the loss of your favorite True Blood characters? Wishing you could bring back into your everyday life that delicious rise that teeth sinking into a carotid artery gives you? Then why not throw the ultimate True Blood party?! Get your favorite Sookie Merlotte’s t-shirt out, and invite every Swedish Eric Northman look-a-like you know. Fine, you can even invite your broody neighbor who gives Bill Compton a run for his money with his woe-is-me attitude.
So bare those wickedly sexy fangs and get started!
1. The Invitation
Now, you could go two ways with the invitation to the best, bloodiest party in town. You could go the boring route and ship off a stack of homemade invitations like these.
OR — you can send your closest fangbanging henchmen out to round up a bunch of humans, box them up in a casket, and have them shipped to your house so they can get the real deal True Blood experience of ending up somewhere and not knowing where the hell they are.
We think the choice is clear, don’t you?
2. The Bloody Sexy Attire
Of course, you must take absolute care that all of your party attendees come dressed in only the sexiest attire befitting of a True Blood soiree.
Tightly fitted Merlotte’s t-shirts and short skirts are allowed.
But if your guests plan on wearing a floral-patterned dress, they better make dang sure it’s covered in lots of blood.
Of course, leather jackets and black, lots of black. Do we even have to say this?
And do not skimp on the loads of dominatrix-esque outfits, a la Pam.
3. The Decor
How should you decorate for your scintillating True Blood party? There’s the obvious — splashing your walls with red blood, plastic fangs strewn on every surface, and bats. But you’re not obvious, are you?
So take the Fangtasia route with this b*tch, as Lafayette would say. Bust out those stripper poles, candles, long red drapes, and hostages.
Lots of hostages. It’ll really bring the whole True Blood theme together nicely!
4. The Noms & Libations
Okay, so here’s the thing — vampires don’t eat food, duh. So, since most of your guests will hopefully be badass blood-chugging vampires, you’d do well to leave the perishables at the door. BUT, there are the fangbangers in attendance who might want to nosh on something while they wait to get their blood drained. For them, these fangtastic cupcakes, and maybe some red suckers for giggles-sake.
But for the vamps at your party? Bloody, delicious cocktails that’ll satisfy their thirst… that is, until the fangbangers are done with their cupcakes and lollipops. Look, HBO even put a nifty cocktail menu together for you — dee-lish!
There’s also this vampire kiss cocktail that’ll have them screaming for more.
And for the truly thirsty, a big vat of AB negative — don’t mind if I do!
5. Drinking Game
No ultimate party would be complete without a rousing drinking game to get the blood pumping in those human veins. Pop in your True Blood DVD, and start knocking back that liquor.
Take a shot every time Bill Compton says “Soo-keh!”
Take a shot every time Eric Northman smirks.
Take a shot every time Pam hits Sookie with an awesome insult.
Take a shot every time Pam does this in a hot dominatrix-looking outfit.
Take a shot every time Sookie mind-reads.
Take a shot every time Sookie gets kidnapped.
Take a shot every time Lafayette calls someone a b*tch.
Take a shot every time Jason takes off his shirt.
6. Jason Stackhouse Abdominal Shots
Speaking of a shirtless Jason Stackhouse… this game is pretty straightforward. Clearly, if you were smart, you would have invited an extremely hot, fantastically abdominal-endowed boy toy to this party. This one you shall dub the Jason Stackhouse of the party.
Now… tie him up. Oh, come on, you know Jason loves the kinky stuff.
Every guy and gal at the party can have his or her turn taking a tequila shot, and licking salt off of his sexy abs.
But only one at a time! Some people might get a bit too greedy, so you’ll have to push them to the back of the line.
7. Fangtasia Stripper Pole
Remember that stripper pole we discussed in the decor portion of this article? You’re not just going to let it sit there are you? Of course not! That pole’s going to be put to work in your ultimate striptease dance-off. Hopefully, enough of your guests arrived in bustiers, and are prepared to get their twerk on with the pole.
Assign the Eric and Pam of your party as the judges of this competition. The best stripper pole dancing vampire or human wins!
8. Sookie is Mine!
Assign one of your guests as the fairy light-blasting Sookie of the party. She should smell like delicious sunlight and joy. Blonde with perky boobs is a plus. Have her wear a bunch of pins with fairy wings on them, and whenever she says the words “Bill,” “Eric,” “Tara,” “Fairy,” “Vampire,” or “Help!” your guests can take one of her pins, shouting “Sookie is Mine!”
Now, your Sookie will most likely get owned by many vampires at the party, she’s not the brightest bulb and all.
But all vampires are under the same rules as Sookie — say the wrong words, and another vamp can steal your fairy pins. The vampire with the most fairy wings in the end is the winner! This person gets to go home with the Sookie of the party (if she’s into the fanger, of course!).
9. True Blood Pick-Up Lines
Chances are your guests are hormone-driven sex-pots who want nothing more than to engage in an orgy followed by a cuddle puddle. But, if you see the sexiness starting to wane, pick things right back up with these True Blood pick-up lines!
10. Shake Your Eric Groove Thang
Of course, for all the hammered party-going fangers and fang-bangers at your party, having a signature dance move that makes this party one for the ages will be most absolutely needed.
So make sure your guests take a cue from Eric, and that they shake their groove thang like only a sexy viking vampire god can!
The fanger or fangbanger with the best Eric Northman head groove gets to go home with the Jason Stackhouse at the party (if he’s so inclined). Yipee!
You’re all set for the bloodiest and most badass vampire party of your life! No Edward-loving fangbangers allowed.