Guy From The Lido Deck? Do you want it to last longer than your sunburn?
Here are five surefire steps that employ the power of the subconscious, good old-fashioned fornicating, and, of course, eel sauce.
Step One: Set Your Sights
First of all, make sure the guy you’re hooking up with is relationship-worthy. If you’ve already banged the cabin boy, that’s a-ok. We’ll call that practice. Suss out a dude whose apartment keys would jingle nicely on your keychain. Target acquired? Excellent.
Step Two: Boobs and the Subconscious
This step involves sashaying around in your stringiest bikini while moving to the beat of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.”
Step Three: Be a Hero
So, you’re cruising through deep blue eel-infested water when your Romeo “falls” overboard. How will he feel about the hottie who rescues him? Exactly. Splash on some eel repellant and you’re a heroine waiting to happen! Your future kids will love the story of how you saved Pops from a shockingly gruesome death by electric eel.
Step Four: Rock the Boat, Yes, Rock the Boat, Baby
Now’s the fun part. You got it. Use the natural motion of the ocean to bring it home. Some quiet Beach Boys melodies playing ever-so-softly in the background enhances the steamy attraction. The next morning: Toss your man his skivvies and tell him “It’s been fun.” When he asks for your digits: Shrug and jot down your e-mail address.
Step Five: Sushi
When CruiseShip Casanova begs you for a date, agree to meet him at a sushi bar for lunch. Seal the deal by ordering eel. With one taste of eel sauce, he’ll relive the memories of your glorious sun-kissed boobies, your life-saving heroism, and the singular way you rocked his world to the salty beat of “Kokomo.”
You’ve got it locked down.
Keep this fellow or toss him back into the ocean. There’s always next year’s cruise.
