What’s your favorite cupcake flavor?
Old Spice. No wait, that’s my husband’s deodorant. Oh well, I’ll stay with Old Spice. Can’t get fat from sniffing too much deodorant. Or can you?
What or whom inspired you to pursue a career in comedy?
When I was born, my Great Uncle Jim — who’s a priest, by the way — sent a joke to my parents which read, “When your baby was born it was so ugly the doctor didn’t know what side of her to slap.” I don’t know if that made me want to be a comedian or an agnostic.
If Chuck Norris were to corner you in an alley and challenge you to a duel, what would be your weapon of choice?
Bruce Lee. PLUS, I am a BLACK BELT martial artist, myself. So together, Bruce could take on Chuck, and I could RUN AWAY!
What are some challenges you’ve faced since going down the comedy track and what, in your experience, has made those obstacles worth overcoming?
The biggest challenge is to keep running down the track without falling because it’s usually full of banana peels. Haha. My dad would LOVE that answer.
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard/seen?
My answer to the last question was pretty great. I also saw my cousin slip in chocolate puke at the mall once. It wasn’t funny, but it was pretty awesome!
Which comedienne, dead or alive, would you love to work with/meet?
Bette Midler, when she was doing her standup comedy tour back in the day. “I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.” Brilliant.
In what ways do you think you’ve improved or evolved since your first comedy venture?
One of my first comedy ventures was a troupe about Shakespeare. (I played Shakespeare, of course.) I wore tights and had a mustache made out of a feather duster. Now, since I’ve evolved in my comedy career, my mustache is made out of a Swiffer.
What long-term/short-term goals do you have for your career?
I just want to keep working. The more projects I have, the better. Also, I’d love to be on Jay Leno. That way my parents can laugh at me at night instead of praying I won’t call them to donate to another Kickstarter account. Kickstarter can be used to buy wine coolers, right?
Do you have a specific audience to whom you play/would like to play? Describe that audience, and why/how you’re playing to them.
I will play to anyone who is drunk because they are generally easier to A) get into bed and B) make laugh. Or anyone named Mark.
What’s your favorite part about playing Buffy in BAMF Girls Club?
Pishaw, as if, whatever, pos, so over, I mean, you’re totally giving me the wiggins. Is it time to kick Bella’s ass yet?
When you’re not writing/performing comedy, you’re…
In a coma. Or asking my parents to donate to a Kickstarter account.
What’s the difference between appealing to women and appealing to men?
When appealing to women you have to be sort of hot, but not too hot, funny, but not raunchy funny, pretty but not bitchy. When appealing to men you just have to take off your shirt.
What’s your favorite comedy movie or T.V. show of all time?
There’s Something about Mary. My mom took me to see it and she was SO embarrassed. She truly thought we were going to see a dance movie. She made me wait until everyone was out of the theatre before we could leave. I had to explain to her that just because we saw a penis zipped up doesn’t mean she took me to a porn. She still doesn’t believe me.
The title of your autobiography?
Ants Don’t Nuke. (I tried to microwave ants in Florida because they were taking over my grandparents microwave, which they used as a bread drawer. Figured I’d nuke em, fix the infestation. It didn’t work. Ants don’t nuke. But if you see giant ants wandering around Ft. Lauderdale you’ll know why…) I like to think that I’m an ant. You can try to nuke me, but I’ll just come back bigger and crazier next time.
And an excerpt from that autobiography:
Michelle graduated from Northwestern University’s highly prestigious acting program with a concentration in funny shit. Upon moving to Los Angeles she was cast with some of the top improv actors in the movie, Reno 911: Miami and also joined in the spoof hijinks of feature films Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, and Vampires Suck. When Michelle isn’t making people laugh, she’s producing independent feature films. Most recently she produced and starred in the romantic comedy, Strangely in Love alongside Amanada Plummer (Pulp Fiction, The Hunger Games) and the drama, Lost on Purpose (starring with Jane Kaczmarek, C. Thomas Howell, James Lafferty, and academy award winner Octavia Spencer). Michelle is most well known for playing Linda Lee, Bruce Lee’s wife, in the 50 episode television series, The Legend of Bruce Lee.