Source: paullasaine.blogspot.com
After perusing pages of cetology, I’ve narrowed it down to my top 14 favorite homoerotic quotes from this classic piece of American Literature (trust me, there are many more):
14. “hard as a twice-baked biscuit” — I sincerely hope this catches on as a metaphor for erections everywhere.
13. “At first he little noticed these advances; but presently, upon my referring to his last night’s hospitalities, he made out to ask me whether we were again to be bedfellows. I told him yes; whereat I thought he looked pleased, perhaps a little complimented.” — Aw … Queequeg and Ismael are totally gonna hook up again after their one-night stand! Bromance is brewing!
12. “Coming afoul of that old man has a sort of turned me wrong side out.” — Um, ew.
11. “There’s hogsheads of sperm ahead, Mr. Stubb, and that’s what ye came for. (Pull my boys!) Sperm, sperm’s the play!” — This sounds strangely reminiscent of a frat party I went to.
10. “But the spermaceti itself, how bland and creamy that is; like the transparent, half-jellied, white meat of a coconut in the third month of its growth, yet far too rich to supply a substitute for butter.” — I’ve personally never baked with sperm for the same reason.
9. “The crotch alluded to on the previous page deserves some independent mention.” — I’m sure it does.
8. “What a hump—Oh, do pile on the beef—lays like a log!” — It’s deeply unclear how this couldn’t have been gay.
7. “Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me” — I think we’ve all been there. No?
6. “stacked his muskets on the poop” — This is the best euphemism I have ever read for gay sex.
5. “Jerk him, Tahiti! Jerk him off; we haul in no cowards here.” — Tahiti gave the best handies on the Pequod…
4. “Don’t ye love sperm?” — Yes, ye do.
3. “Some one strips off a frock, and the hole is stopped.” — That’s how I’m told it works.
2. “’Thank him heartily; but tell him it’s against my principles to drink with the man I’ve diddled.” — Yeah, same here.
And finally, perhaps the best Melville homoerotic quote …
1. “And I’m thinking Moby Dick doesn’t bite, so much as he swallows.” — Rimshot! (In more ways than one.)
Moral of the story? A book about seamen is always a book about semen.
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