Love makes me sick. Usually because I’ve been binge-drinking and any sort of emotional jolt can send me spewing all over the place, but that’s not the point — it makes me fucking sick.
So, when I first saw this video, I projectiled a fifth of Jack and half a Taco Supreme onto Lucille and she squealed like a cat in heat. It brought me joy. But that’s not the point either — there’s something about young love that takes me back. And by back I mean before Sam Geiger made the whole third grade call me Wugly Wench and broke my unscathed little heart. Fucking ass hat.
Since then I don’t trust one douche bag that comes my way. I even once got a bowl cut and tried to be a biebsbian, but that only lasted ‘til I realized my first lesbo lover was actually a dude with a girlish figure. What a humperdink.
