Close elections can be stressful, particularly when you feel like your entire future and civil rights are tied up in the results. So, to keep from biting your nails bloody or choking the nearest tea-partier, ride election day out with a good, old fashioned drinking game. It won’t alter the election in any helpful way, but by the night’s end, you’ll be plenty drunk to either celebrate the night away or drown your deep, soul-crushing sorrows. So have fun!
Have an Apple Pie Shooter after you vote
The only thing more American than Apple Pie is voting, so suck down an Apple Pie Shooter (2 shots apple juice, 1 shot vodka, whipped cream, 1 dash cinnamon) in celebration of fulfilling your civic duty. We suggested waiting until you’re out of your local polling place to do so, because it’s probably a public elementary school.
Shotgun a beer every time CNN uses a useless piece of technology
Ah, God bless the 24 hour new cycle. Usually, it’s sensationalizing, obnoxious and contentious, but on election day, we get to see the useless technology its spawned in the past year. This Tuesday, we’ll witness the latest advancements in touch-screen televisions that can never be put to another purpose. So, every time you see Wolf Blitzer remind us what Ohio looks like by highlighting it, enlarging it, and making it dance, shotgun a beer.
Take a shot when Ohio is called
For the first time in a long while (probably about four years ago), everyone is looking at Ohio. Being the swingingest of swing states, we suggest celebrating the end of Ohio’s unnatural prominence by taking a shot regardless of which way it goes. If it goes Red, take a Cowboy Cocksucker shot (1/2 oz butterscotch schnapps, 1/2 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream) and if it goes blue, throw back a Three Wise Men (equal parts Johnny Walker, Jim Beam and Jack Daniels). Shot choices were selected randomly*
*Note: Shots and their names were chosen with great thought.
Take an Alabama Slammer when Alabama is called Red
This one we think is inevitable, so we feel comfortable suggesting that you take the Alabama Slammer (1 oz Southern Comfort peach liqueur, 1 oz sloe gin, 1 oz orange juice) when Alabama goes Red, not if. However, if by some twist of fate Alabama goes to Obama, indulge in a Four Horsemen (3/4 oz Jose Cuervo gold tequila, 3/4 oz Jagermeister, 3/4 oz Rumple Minze peppermint liqueur, 3/4 oz Bacardi 151 rum) because the world is totally ending.
Have a shot when the race is called
It’s been long night, so either way, you deserve one final shot to mark the occasion. If Romney wins, have a Brain Eraser (1 oz Goldschlager® cinnamon schnapps 1 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur 1 oz vodka), because odds are, you’re going to want to forget the evening, your political affiliations, your hopes and your dreams. But if Obama wins enjoy a Sex on the Beach (Peach schnapps, Vodka, Cranberry Juice and Orange Juice). It’ll feel just as good.
