Dumbledoreism: J.K. Rowling’s Religion

If anything, that’s just proof that Rowling’s awesome and not a little unbalanced. 

Anywho.  Behold!  The 10 Tenets of Dumbledoreism, as inspired by the seven Books of Potter! 

dumbledore_altar

1.  I am Dumbledore, who brought you out of The Cupboard Under the Stairs, out of The House of Dursley.

Thou Shalt Not Have Any Other Headmasters Before Me.

2.  Neither Shall You Not Not Listen to Hermione.

Seriously, Harry, how many times must Hermione give you the “I told you so” face before you pull your head out of your ass and heed her advice the first time around? 

[Party Tip: The easiest way to get drunk at your Harry Potter release party is to play “Take a shot whenever Harry doesn’t listen to Hermione and ends up endangering people’s lives.”]

3.  Neither Shall You Covet Your Neighbor’s Wife.  [Spoiler Alert!]

Poor, poor Snape. 

Now, Snape and James were hardly neighbors in the Mr. Rogers sense of the word, but had Snape not been so in love with Harry’s mom and so determined to have his revenge, The Boy Who Lived might not have had to spend 10 miserable years under the roof of his negligent aunt and uncle and at the hands of one Big D.

And, most importantly, Snape wouldn’t have had to … well.  You know the rest. 

4.  Neither Shall You Doubt the Power, Advice, and Friendship of the Weirdest People. 

Think about it.  Dumbledore, Luna, Hagrid, Dobby … Even Hermione and Ron had their kinks. 

Moral of the story:  they who have zero inhibitions about being weird also have zero trouble with saying exactly what’s on their minds or doing what needs to be done, which usually turns out to be really helpful.

[Granted, the Death Eaters had their fair share of weirdos, too, so it’s important to note the difference between Good Weird and just plain LeStrange … J.K., you’re so punny.]

5.  [Spoiler Alert!] Neither Shall You Trust an Inanimate Object/Snake/Baby with a Piece of Your Soul. 

Shoulda kept it whole and to yourself, Voldy. 

Or at least put it in something sturdier or harder to find.  Like a titanium somethingorother, or something super small.  (Not that I’m pulling an O.J. Simpson or anything…) 

6.  Neither Shall You Discriminate Against Beings of Different Magical Backgrounds or Races. 

Minorities ranging from werewolves to centaurs to muggleborns to squibs to half-giants — heck, even to the gays (eh, Dumbledore?) — all get fair shakes in Rowling’s ever-so-detailed universe. 

7.  Honor Your Two Best Friends. 

Because chances are they’re the only things keeping you from becoming a major emo asshole. 

8.  Thou Shalt Not Fear Death.  [Spoiler Alert!

Being afraid didn’t work for the eldest two Peverells and it didn’t work for Voldemort.  Point is, suck it up and you might just meet Dumbledore in the end. 

And, on a serious note: “For the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”  Why, yes, I did recite that from memory.  Also, yes, it did make me teary-eyed.  Again.  Merlin’s beard! 

9.  Thou Shalt Not Doubt the Courage of Others.  [Spoiler Alert!

People can surprise you.  Like by decapitating an evil snake with a badass sword.

10.  Thou Shalt Not Forget that Love Triumphs Over All. 

All of Rowling’s meticulously selected themes centre around one unifying ideal: we should love one another no matter what, and he who does not love loses his humanity. 

(Whoa.  Went deep.)

If Percy Weasley and even the Malfoys can turn things around for themselves, then so can you. 

dumbledore_050524_300Dumbledore is watching you.

And there you have it, friends!  Have fun this weekend at your multiple Part 2 viewings (you know you’re gonna), and remember the Tenets of Rowling!

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About the author

Vickie Toro

Hi, friend! I’m Vickie Toro. I’m the lesbian in Lesbros, the creator and one of the writers of BAMF Girls Club, and the Frumpy Girl who commiserates with your Style Ineptness. I’m a Potterhead, water-dancer, and overall TV junky. Also sports movies make me cry.

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1 comment

  1. Colleen

    While this is super amusing, the Christianity in J.K Rowling’s book is pretty obvious and has been confirmed by her numerous times. Harry as the Christ-like figure, who dies so that all others may live, who wakes up in King’s Cross and then is resurrected. This is also confirmed by the bible verse that precedes the last book. “And the last enemy that shall be defeated is death.” which is a verse about how Christ will triumph over death. J.K Rowling said that she didn’t want to confirm that the story followed Christ’s journey because people would have figured out the ending, but once the books had been out awhile she confirmed that was indeed writing a religiously symbolic book.

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