Defenestration At Its Best

All right, so you probably clicked on this page for one of two reasons: 1) you have no idea what defenestration is; 2) you think you’re really smart because you paid attention in European History class and remember.

Defenestration is defined as the act of throwing an ass-hat out a window. Sure, it doesn’t necessarily have to be an ass-hat. You can defenestrate a piano or an unwanted sandwich, but most often times, if you find yourself defenestrated, you were probably acting like an ass-hat. Or, if not, you were thrown out the window by one.

Let me provide some examples:

Prague

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There are actually TWO Defenestration’s of Prague, One in 1419 and one in 1618. Each time some religious figures were acting like ass-hats and were tossed from a window. The second time lead to no deaths because the defenestrated landed in a pile of manure. This is all the account of the defenestrators and not the defenestrated because if you wind up in a pile of horse poop you don’t get to write history.

Mariod Knight — Vanilla Ice

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While Vanilla Ice describes the incident differently, rumor has it Mariod “Suge” Knight hung Vanilla Ice off a 20th story balcony by his ankles as a way to encourage him to sign away publishing rights to “Ice, Ice Baby.” Ice did finally agree to the contract, so this was only a near-defenestration.

Michael Jackson — Blanket

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Another near-defenestration is the classic story of when Michael Jackson held his son Blanket off a balcony so the adoring paparazzi could take pictures and the public could condemn Michael as a horrible parent. Because nicknaming your child Blanket and being Michael Jackson weren’t indicators enough.

Carlo Rizzi — The Godfather

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So this guy was not technically shoved out a window, but a window was involved and broken during his death, so I feel this counts. Plus, he died for being a total ass-hat, so it double counts.

Michelle Pfeiffer — Batman Returns

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Michelle Pfeiffer’s character in Batman Returns teaches us one important lesson about being defenestrated: if you by chance survive the fall, CATS WILL TRY TO EAT YOU ALIVE. The second she lands on the ground, a clowder of cats emerges from the alley and they immediately start eating her fingers. EATING HER FINGERS! It’s like they were WAITING. It’s like they KNEW she was going to be pushed. That ‘s f*cked.

Harrison Ford — Air Force One

“Get off my plane” is probably one of the most epic pre-defenestration lines ever, in the history of the world, ever. Then, you get to see Ivan Korshunov get sucked out of the back of Air Force One. I mean, that’s just cinematic gold, people, and defenestration history!

Now you will forever remember what this words means, how to use it in a sentence, and will probably try and avoid it at all costs.


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Emily McGregor

Hey hey! I’m Emily McGregor, and I’m Comediva’s VP of Production. I also direct our original videos, but you won’t hear me say “my vision” because that just sounds douchey. If you like our videos, send me whiskey and flowers. If you don’t like them, don’t leave a comment. Follow me @emilyamcgregor

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