Here are the top ten Cupid fails from past and present.
Samson & Delilah
When love leads to hair loss and burnt-out eye sockets, you know Cupid screwed the pooch.
Jersey Shore’s Ron & Sam
Ron and Sam are the quintessential reality TV train-wreck couple – predictably dysfunctional. Why couldn’t Cupid have given Sam’s post-MTV life a chance and made her fall in love with a pre-med Princeton legacy instead of the obvious juicehead. Way to be lazy, Cupid.
Oscar Wilde & Lord Alfred Douglas
If Oscar Wilde had found someone less prominent than the son of the Marquess of Queensberry to lust after, he probably could have avoided that whole going to prison for “gross indecency” thing. If only Cupid had swayed Oscar to fall for the pool boy instead…
Wilmer Valderrama & Everyone
Something’s amiss here. Wilmer’s scorecard includes Mila Kunis, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Lindsay Lohan, Scarlett Johansson, Demi Lovato, and more. It doesn’t add up. Hmmm… Sure seems like Cupid does a whole lot of favors for Fez. What’s the story, Cupid? Are you just that much of a That ’70s Show fan?
Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun
Way to eff up history, Cupid! You have the Führer in your crosshairs. You have a quiver full of arrows. Instead of shooting to kill.. .you shoot to make Adolf Hitler fall in love? Major missed opportunity.
Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries
Maybe this one isn’t Cupid’s fault. Maybe the love god had nothing to do with Kim and Kris. Maybe some reality TV executive’s arrow of profit-love was behind this short-lived match. We won’t throw Cupid under the bus for this one, after all.
Vlad “The Impaler” III & Jusztina Szilagyi
When the upshot of your union is vampirism and a whole lotta bloodshed, you can probably blame ol’ Cupid… Oh well. At least Cupid didn’t hook Vladdy up with Bella Swan.
Lady Gaga & Taylor Kinney
Geez, Cupid. Don’t you know that Lady Gaga shouldn’t be tied down… to anyone? Keep your arrows away from Mother Monster. The whole world is in love with her.
Vincent Van Gogh & That Prostitute He Gave His Severed Ear To
You know Cupid f*cked up when someone loses an ear. Cupid could have done Vincent a solid and hooked him up with a sexy mental health professional. Instead, Cupid made the painter jones for booze and the local filles de joie. Very ear-responsible, Cupid.
Doug Hutchison & Courtney Stodden
WTF, Cupid? We can’t even… It’s just… W… T… F…