Comediva Pick: Sorted This Way

I have a deep, dark, dirty secret: I never finished the Harry Potter series, and it’s kind of because I’m just not that into it. I know, I know. I’m so sorry. It’s blasphemous. I’m nerdy enough in other ways — what is wrong with me? (It’s actually my sister’s fault, but I won’t get into that). Regardless, the point is I read up through the sixth book and then just kind of stopped. So shhh! Don’t tell me how it ends!But just because I’m not a diehard fangirl doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the intricacy of the series, the carefully crafted characters, the meaningful themes, or the fact that EVERYONE knows that Hufflepuff is just about the lamest thing ever to hit the wizarding world. I mean, every other Hogwarts house has got something exciting going for it — courage, ambition, intelligence, general interesting-ness — and Hufflepuffs are what? Patient? Loyal? Wallpaper? Badgers are basically the poster child of blandness. Sorry Hufflepuffs, but if the other houses are rich chocolate, sweet caramel, or salty peanut butter, you’re melted sugar-free vegan vanilla.

When JK Rowling’s newest Potter venture, the online game/series/life-consuming addiction called Pottermore, was released earlier this year, all the members found out they got to be sorted into a house! There are a bunch of questions that, to me, don’t seem super related to Harry Potter, but which I guess assess character in mystical ways that we muggles can’t fathom. I didn’t register, because again, I don’t really care, but my friend did and as she was answering all the intense questions she just kept pleading to her computer screen, “Please not Hufflepuff, please not Hufflepuff, PLEASE NOT HUFFLEPUFF.” What a crushing blow that would have been. It’s basically JK Rowling telling you she put you in the lame house, right?

But are we being unfair to a fictional group of people who cannot control their fictional characteristics in the fictional universe into which they were fictionally born? This video seems to think so. In this magical parody of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way, dancers clad in the Hufflepuff yellow and black assert that they were “sorted this way” and that they have house pride (I mean, of course they do. They’re famous for their unwavering loyalty, like a dopey golden retriever). I poke fun, but I see their point. Hufflepuff has tons of haters, myself previously among them. So calm down, you pureblooded bullies and take this video to heart. And as for all you ashamed or closeted Hufflepuffs, stay strong and remain proud. Remember, the sorting hat is never wrong.


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