Enjoy.
Kanye West:
Source: ScrapeTV.com
“I’m planning to be less of a dick in 2012. Wait, did I say ‘be less of a dick?’ I meant to say I plan on not sucking any dick. Because being gay is stupid. So is being a woman. And so is being disabled. Let’s give a toast for the douchebags!”
Charlie Sheen:
Source: posh24.com
“I have two. My first is that I want to be the complete opposite of Ashton Kutcher. I mean the guy cheats on his wife, and then posts a video about it on the Internet that goes viral. Someone should really tell him that he’s coming off as a complete asshole and that he really needs therapy for his sex addiction. Man, I hate how the news media exploits addiction-plagued celebrities just to get higher ratings — and then they go on to ignore the fact that these celebrities need some serious help. Oh, yeah, and my second resolution is to beat my all-time record of doing 150 lines of coke off a whore’s ass. TIGER BLOOD FOREVER, BABY!”
Tom Cruise:
Source: PeopleMagazine.com
“My resolution is to sue Star Magazine for their false accusation that I’m gay. I’m so sick and tired of people saying that I’m gay. It’s outrag—what? They’re not saying I’m gay? They’re saying Kris Humphries is gay? Oh, really? Interesting. You don’t happen to have his number… do you?”
Kim Kardashian:
Source: Zimbio.com
“My resolution is to work out more so I could lose some extra butt fat. You have no idea how much this badonkadonk really puts a strain on your lower back at the end of a long workday.”
Snooki:
Source: NakedFanMail.com
“My resolution is to give up alcohol, and every day I stay sober, I plan on celebrating by taking a tequila shot.”
Oprah:
Source: WhyFame.com
“My resolution is to make my new network, OWN, a big success by landing an exclusive interview with God. I want to finally force Him to address all the criticism He’s gotten for some really racist things he said in The Old Testament.”
Barack Obama:
“My resolution is to stop fulfilling all my campaign promises and just start half-assing everything. No one gives me credit for anything anyway. I’m going to purposely underperform just so that one day I could see a headline in The Huffington Post that reads: ‘Young Americans Increasingly Disappointed In President’s Efforts to Underachieve.’ “
Ryan Gosling:
“My resolution is to become even more sexy, even more talented, and even more cool than last year so that if any woman or gay man sees me in public, their eyes will literally burst into flames.”
Lady Gaga:
“I’m going to stop doing TV interviews after just waking up from a long night of wild, passionate sex. It makes my voice sound weird.”
this is great. and very inspiring.