Casual Vacancy for Potterheads

J.K. Rowling’s new novel Casual Vacancy recently hit the shelves. Alas, the reviews aren’t entirely magical.  We’ve come up with a few ways to make the experience more comfortable for hardcore Potterheads who are unsettled by this particular portion of Rowling’s oeuvre. 

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Understand that Barry Fairbrother is Albus Dumbledore’s second cousin. 

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Instead of a local election for parish councilman, know that it’s really the secret election for Minister of Magic. Gotta keep those muggles in the dark, after all. 

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Magic wands have been transfigured into cell phones. 

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Subtext: Nagini killed Barry Fairbrother.

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Picture all cars as blue Ford Anglias in flight.

Cross out swearwords and write in spells.  Pronounce them appropriately. 


Draw house-elves in the margins.

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Pagford and Hogsmeade are sister cities. Probably.

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 Obviously, “The Fields” is basically Little Hangleton.

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Know that heroin addiction is a thinly veiled reference for Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour bean dependency.

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Picture all Weedons as various members of the Lestrange family.

Social work is a decent occupation for squibs. Seems legit. 

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Know that the title was shortened from Harry Potter and the Unexpected Aneurysm.

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Got Hogwarts on the mind? Check out these Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines! 


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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world's foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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