Best Tattoos to Get When You’re Drunk

by Rain

Hello out there in internet-land!  My name is Rain, and I will be your hostess with the most tits, er … mostest.  Anyhoo, Nora and Oliver are off somewhere being boring, so it fell to me to entertain my adoring public.  I want to talk about an important issue that affects people of all ages, races and beliefs: getting a tattoo when you’re drunk.

I’ve heard a lot of people say, “But, Rain, you’re not in your right mind when you’ve been drinking, you shouldn’t make such a permanent decision until you’ve thought it through.”

You know what ‘thinking things through’ is?  Boring.

Let’s live a little, people!  I challenge every single one of you to go out tonight, get shit-faced, and get inked!  But what to get?  Never fear, true believers, your BFF (with a key!) has all the 4-1-1 you need!

1.  Unicorns
There is no more beauteous creature than the unicorn.  Why would you possibly not want such a majestic beast on your skin?  It’s like getting an injection of magic via tattoo needle!  This one time, I took my ex, Ursula, out to celebrate her engagement to some dude.  We got plastered on Jell-O shots, and I convinced her to get a winged unicorn tattooed on her left boob (the left side is the spiritual side of the body, natch).  Her fiancee wasn’t too happy about it, but it looked awesome … in my bed!  Boo-yah!

2.  Your favorite band
This is one of my fave tattoo ideas to give my friends!  Music is one of the three paragons of creativity, along with sunflowers and chai tea.  When I first moved out to L.A., I pretty much forced my friend Gay Ron to put the name of the drummer from Third Eye Blind on his butt.  So a tattoo of your number one band is pretty awesome, and it’s not like you’ll stop liking them or anything.  I’m pretty sure Gay Ron still loves Third Eye Blind … they’re still big, right?  I’m not that into commercial music anymore because I’ve really been focusing on sitar music for the last year or so.

3.  Your name
A twist on a classic!  Lots of people get a tattoo of their significant other’s name, or even their mom’s name.  But what if you break-up with that person or your mom disowns you?  Now you’re stuck staring at a name you don’t want to be walking around with on your ass.  No worries, folks, an elegant solution: tattoo your own name on yourself.  So not only will you be stylin’ and profilin’ around town, flashing your brand new name tat, but when you’re sloshed and trying to stumble home, you can always refer to your tattoo if you need to remember your name (to give to the judge).

4.  Your fave lit quote
I can’t even count how many parties I’ve been to in the last 2 weeks where everyone is quoting Shakespeare like a bunch of nuts.  What better tattoo to get than a nice, big block quote from your favorite piece of literature?  The longer, the better!  One time, I talked my grandma into getting Hamlet’s “To be, or not to be” soliloquy tattooed on her right thigh.  I loved it!  One very important step to keep in mind is to spellcheck everything … twice.  There’s nothing sadder than a dude or dudette proudly showing off their new tat and finding out “it’s you’re, not your.”  Plus, bonus!  Long, quotey tattoos also provide great reading material during showers, naked yoga and uninteresting sex!

5.  Your grandmother’s portrait
Everyone’s Nana should be immortalized on at least one piece of flesh.  What better surprise to wake up to after a night of boozin’ it up than your grandmother’s smiling face, rendered in glorious vibrant ink?



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Comediva makes and shares fiercely funny female-driven comedy. Join the movement!

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