Deadwood Meets Arrested Development

Listen up, diehard fans of tragically cancelled TV shows: There’s good news and there’s bad news.  The good news is that Hollywood execs plan to produce feature films from your favorite defunct series.   The bad news: They only have the budgets to make half as many movies as cancelled TV shows.  What does this mean?  Well, your favorite gone-too-soon TV shows are going to be mashed-up into hybrid-crossover films!

Here’s what’s currently in production!

Deadwood Development
Arrested Development + Deadwood

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Gob buys a new trick from a magic store, an “Aztec Time Tunnel,” which happens to actually be a functioning time machine.  The entire Bluth clan is transported on a one-way trip back to late nineteenth century South Dakota: Wild-Westy times.  Michael quickly partners with Al Swearengen and starts rebuilding the Bluth Company out of the Gem Saloon, switching the company’s focus from subdivision development to the commercial creation of large-scale, high-yield brothels.

Tobias convinces Trixie to give up her call girl ways in order to join his vaudeville act, which performs in the foyer of E.B. Farnum’s hotel.  Will Lucille ride off into the sunset with Wild Bill?  Will Lindsay become the new Mrs. Bullock?  Moreover, will one of George Sr.’s cornballer machines accidentally burn the entire camp down?

Veronica Daisies
Pushing Daisies + Veronica Mars

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Ned opens a second Pie Hole in Neptune, California, after his marriage to Chuck turns sour.  One day, Veronica Mars, who now works out of the FBI’s rural Southern Californian branch, stops into the café for a pick-me-up; she and Ned hit it off immediately.   Ned’s resurrection abilities combined with Veronica’s sleuthing skills qualify the duo as a crime-solving dream team.

When the assassination of a prominent dignitary occurs just blocks away from the Pie Hole, Ned and Veronica are called in as consultants.  They discover a much more sinister threat which involves a cabal of known enemies headed by former Pie Hole employee Olive Snook and Veronica’s ex-boyfriend Logan Echols.  While resurrecting heaps of dead bodies, examining clues and leads, baking a variety of pies, and falling in love, Ned and Veronica attempt to solve the case and save the country from corruption and doom!

Firefly Down
Firefly + Party Down

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The Party Down wait staff caters Joss Whedon’s Buffy-themed birthday party.   Ron, who is off the wagon, offers his crew acid-laced hard candy he scored off of a drugged-out Vampire Willow impersonator.  Roman, confident from his high, pitches Joss a hard sci-fi script.  Joss, in disgust, punches Roman in the face, knocking him out cold.

The next morning, Henry and the gang wake up onboard Serenity, staring down the guns of Mal’s crew.  Mal agrees to let the catering crew live on the condition that they help him rob an intergalactic movie star’s house on one of the core planets; the Party Down caterers’ knowledge of the service industry will be beneficial.   During the heist, Jayne and Casey bang in a closet while a forlorn Henry quips sardonically.  The plan is a success and Mal agrees to drop the caterers off on a planet of their choosing. Just as Serenity breaks atmo on Persephone, an Alliance warship appears, annihilating the helpless Firefly-class.  Just then, Roman wakes up…


AROUND THE INTERWEBS


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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world’s foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries.

Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

View all articles by Kristen Bobst

2 comments

  1. Gor Well

    PUSH, PEAKS

    Push, NV + Twin Peaks , no wait these are both
    incomprehensible, the mashup is redundant.

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