9 Reasons I Am Not A Walrus
I am not large-flippered.
I lack prominent tusks, whiskers, and bulkiness.
I do not play an important role in the cultures of many indigenous arctic peoples.
I am unfamiliar with the North Pole in the Arctic Ocean and the subarctic seas of the Northern Hemisphere.
I do not lack external ears.
I am not considered one of the “keystone species” in the Arctic marine regions.
I do not live in shallow waters above the continental shelves.
I do not spend most of my adult life looking for benthic bivalve mollusks to eat.
I have sex with a guy named Max.