50 Shades of Grey Sequels

The popularity of 50 Shades of Grey has falsely inflated the reputation and prominence of the color grey, and in the process, many other colors have fallen by the wayside, and not had their day in the sun.  So before you throw shade at some of these lesser-known colors, check out these possible sequels to the 50 Shades of Grey series.

50 Shades of Yellow


When Marjorie Bouvier, a college student, goes to interview donut magnate Homer Simpson as a favor to her joyless sisters Patty and Selma, she encounters a balding, chubby and sexually intoxicating man. The innocent and naive Marge, startled to realize she wants him despite his slovenly appearance and dull-wittedness, finds herself desperate to get close to him. Not able to resist Marge’s blue ‘do and independent spirit, Homer admits he wants her too, but on his own terms. Marge hesitates as she discovers the singular tastes of Homer Simpson – fast food, lots of fast food, and lots of really kinky sex (as allowable for mass animated consumption)!  Despite the embellishments of success – his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his prodigious belly – Homer is consumed by a need … for donuts.  And to control everything. As they get close, Marge starts to discover Homer’s secrets and explores her own desires.

50 Shades of Orange


When Piper Chapman, a boring yuppie with no juice-cleanse willpower, goes to jail for crimes committed when she was far more interesting, she encounters a poetic woman-child with crazy eyes.  Her name — Crazy Eyes.  The starving and whiny Piper, realizing she will soon be someone-more-unpleasant’s prison-wife, sells herself to Crazy Eyes for one earbud during movie night, and a dollop of cocoa butter.  Quickly taken in by Piper’s ghostly pallor, Crazy Eyes cannot resist her golden dandelion, but she wants her on her own terms.  Piper hesitates as she discovers the singular tastes of Crazy Eyes – pulling at her own hair, bugging out her eyes, and peeing on the ground!  Despite the comforts she enjoys by being a noted lunatic — a lunch table to herself, dibs on the best seat at group therapy – Crazy Eyes is consumed by a need … to recreate the chaotic elements of her upbringing, and idealize Piper as a perfect mother/lover figure.  And to sing a bitchin’ solo at the Christmas pageant.  As they get close, Piper starts to discover Crazy Eyes’s secrets and explores her own desires.

50 Shades of Blue


When Smurfette, the lone female in a community of magical blue creatures, goes off to pick smurfberries on her own, she could never imagine the liberating erotic journey she was about to begin when she encounters the arousingly mysterious wizard, Gargamel!  The plucky and curious Smurfette, startled to realize she wants him despite his bushy eyebrows and her cat allergies, finds herself determined to show him all of her 50 shades of blue.  Not able to resist Smurfette’s flexibility and willingness to bring legions of Smurfs into his bed, Gargamel finds himself reconsidering his plan to turn her and all of her friends into ingredients for a potion.

50 Shades of Purple


When Marie, a quirky kleptomaniac with all-purple attire, is arrested by geode enthusiast Hank Schrader, a rocky romance ensues.  The meddlesome and doe-eyed Marie, startled to realize she wants him despite his grumpiness and only slightly above-average detective skills, finds herself desperate to get close to him — so she steals stuff.  Not able to resist Marie’s shoplifting and awesome purple ensembles, Hank admits he wants her too, but on his own terms.  Marie hesitates as she discovers the singular tastes of Hank Schrader – Schraderbrau, drive-alongs with his brother-in-law, and not identifying meth kingpins right under his nose!  As they get close, Marie starts to discover Hank’s secrets and explores her own desires — like stealing spoons!

50 Shades of Green


When Kermit, a shy young frog with the voice of an angel, delivers a singing telegram to Miss Piggy as a favor to his hapless pal Fozzie Bear, he encounters a beautiful yet terrifying recluse with a possessive streak. The innocent and naive Kermit, startled to realize he wants her despite the taboo of their cross-species attraction, finds himself puzzled yet pulled to get close to her.  Not able to resist Kermit’s green pallor and kind-hearted spirit, Piggy admits she wants him too, but on her own terms. Kermit hesitates as he discovers the singular tastes of Miss Piggy – diamonds, perfume, and push-pull power games!  Despite the embellishments of success – her international fame, her multi-million dollar fashion empire, her signature karate chop – Miss Piggy is consumed by a need … for bon bons.  And to control Kermit.  As they get close, Kermit starts to discover Piggy’s secrets and explores his own desires.

50 Shades of Black


When Peter Parker, a young and nubile photographer, goes to photograph Venom, an alien symbiote merged with his bitter rival, he is surprised when feelings he never knew he had start to emerge.  He encounters a muscular, slimy, long-tongued lothario!  The awkward young man, startled to realize he wants him despite his psychopathic murderous rage, finds himself desperate to get close to him.  Not able to resist the alien suit’s desire to become one with Peter, Venom admits he wants him too, but on his own terms:  condoms only!  Peter hesitates as he discovers the singular tastes of Venom – body possession, global domination, psychological torture!  Despite the incredibly energetic lovemaking, Venom is consumed by a need … to eat Peter Parker’s skull.  Love can get sticky.

50 Shades of Red


When Elizabeth Keen, a rookie FBI profiler, is ordered to team up with notorious international criminal Raymond “Red” Reddington to hunt down the most dangerous dastardly fiends the FBI never even knew about, she finds herself quickly exhausted by Red’s elaborate metaphors, refusal to answer even the simplest question, and his annoying habit of wearing sunglasses indoors.  (I mean, c’mon, who do you think you are Red?  Bono?!)  Red finds himself quickly enamored with himself, and is desperate to get closer to himself.  Not able to resist his own awesomeness and badassery, Red concocts an elaborate list just to keep the FBI paying attention to him.  Elizabeth and the FBI hesitate as they discover just how narcissistic and self-involved Red is – his fancy wardrobe, his capricious tendency to blow things up, and how he tells that one story, over and over again!  Classic dad –SPOILER ALERT!!!  Red is consumed by a need … for lists.  He’s a little OCD like that.

50 Shades of Pink


This one just writes itself.


Love 50 Shades of Grey?  Maybe you’d also like to find out about the sexiest apocalypses!


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About the author

Hi! I’m Erika Cervantes. I’m a comedy writer, a Chihuahua mama, a cupcake enthusiast, and most importantly… I keep the team well-sugared with motivational speeches and home-made cookies.

Hello! I’m Luis Navarro, and I’m Comediva’s Director of Operations. Also known as, the token manslave. But when they let me out of my manbox, I often write and act in Comediva creations, and I’m the straight guy in Lesbros. I’m also a martial artist, a therapist, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the Star Wars expanded universe, and I’m man enough to admit a fondness for unicorns.

View all articles by Erika and Luis Navarro

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