Being a Brony ain’t easy. Hardcore fans’ patience being tested during Season 3, Twilight becoming a Alicorn, brutal eBay bidding wars for SDCC 2012 Derby Hooves figure… yeah, you got to keep your friendship on lock.
But you know what’s harder than sewing your own Spike cosplay with realistic green spines? Keeping a girlfriend. But I found out– through the power of friendship, duh– that same magic could help me keep my friend… with benefits.
So ladies, share these tips with your mare– I mean, man. And he’ll transform from a Cranky Doodle Douche into a Shining Hard Armor!
1. Read a Mother-lovin Book!
Twilight Sparkle may be straighter laced than a Rarity-designed push up corset, but she’s got the right idea when it comes to breaking spines… of books. See, she’s educated! And although she can be derided on occasion for her bookishness, she’s proud of her intelligence. The same way I was proud of myself when I looked up the word “derided” for this article. Intelligence is the classy way to get your lass rolling in the hay. Capice?
2. Give to others… but give it to yourself, sometimes!
Fluttershy quietly donates her time to raising forest animals, watering plants, and lying down on the ground so everypony can trot over her. And especially in a relationship, it can be tempting to just give, give, give without getting some for yourself! Pull yourself up by your wings and be confident like Rainbow Dash; who is FULL OF AWESOME.
Careful balance of these two ponies will bring great happiness. It’s what made them such a great pair in Season 2 Episode 22 “Hurricane Fluttershy”. If I start talking about that episode any more I won’t be able to finish this article because of how touched I was. So I’ll let our resident geek therapist teach you more about this important lesson in the video below:
3. Listen to your partner, she’s trying to save your life!
Sometimes you just can’t eat all those frigging apples, Applejack! You may think you know yourself best, but listening to those you trust can get you out of your own head. And that’s a good thing!
Sure, you may be a foal from a lower-class apple-picking family whose grand matron clearly suffers from dementia and whose younger sister is obviously leading a gang of cutie-mark-less terrorists. But you still have the will power to ignore your common hayseed desires and class it up when necessary. If you need to, yes, you may bring apples.
4. You can’t buy love… but you can buy yourself out of guilt!
Rarity may seem like she’s full of it, but Spike has to see something in her, right? While it’s never good to substitute wealth for substance (unless you’re trying to impress Hoity Toity, damn that mare has style!) it also doesn’t hurt to bribe ladies with pretty dresses. Know what your lady likes and surprise her every now and again! She’s sure to overlook that time you forgot about your dinner date when she’s ogling her new diamond horseshoes– I mean, rings. Rings. Cause, girlfriends are people. Human people.
5. Don’t. Stop. PARTYING.
As far as we know from the cartoon, Pinkie Pie’s parties stay pretty G-rated, but let’s be honest here. Once the show runs it’s course and we need to do some Saved By The Bell: The College Years episodes… you KNOW it’ll be P.P. getting into some questionable study sessions with a Cheerilee, Big Macintosh, and a carrot. Sometimes a little excess will impress your bestest, and if you’re willing to be a party animal on occasion it shows you’ve got moxie! Bonus points if you build a working party cannon to drag around with you, just make sure to get the proper permits.
I hope these tips will lend a hoof to keep your pegi-chick from flying away! Let me know if I got it right below, or tell me YOUR best advice for keeping a relationship… magic!
Need more My Little Pony? Take a gander at Brony Pick-Up Lines!