5 Unexpected (and Horrifying) Apocalypses

When Geek Therapist encounters a hardcore z-poc survivalist, she’s hardly shocked.

Geek Therapist is not only a pro, but she’s a fan of preparedness herself. Who can blame her? Ever since Night of the Living Dead, The Walking Dead, Zombieland, etc., most of us have formed something of a zombie survival plan. Go us. But what if humanity has collectively wasted its time prepping for zombies, and then one of these unexpected end of days scenarios hit.



Well look at that. It’s raining Ritz crackers. That’s what happens when a Nabisco truck and nuclear waste truck collide on Highway 375 outside of Area 51. While delicious at first, the cheesy cracker deluge would soon drown the entire human populous, ushering in Earth’s next era: The Rat Revolution.



To be fair: This one should be hardly unexpected. Cats have taken over the Internet. Cats are basically SkyNet. You do the math and while you’re at it, go ahead and surrender to your new overload, Colonel Meow. (He even has a military name. Wake up, people.)



A genetic brain mutation will cause the majority of a future generation to write emails IN ALL CAPS. This drives everyone mad. Worldwide rage ensues. CAPSLOCKALYPSE is perhaps the bloodiest of all apocalypses.



After TV writers exhaust every possible story line on every possible TV series, all new television episodes will be clip shows. Hollywood will be ransacked by starved fanboys and girls who will burn the place down and cast Earth as the main star of one epic series finale.



Guess who the next super villain is! You got it; it’s none other than ’90s hip hop artist Freak Nasty. He’s planning to take over all the world’s speaker systems in order to blast “Da Dip” on every outlet possible. Just wait until everyone’s brains bleed out their ears or backs break from getting down low and rolling it around too much. However, we should have known Freak Nasty had bigger plans when he planted the seed in 1996. “Da Dip” addresses “women of the world.” Plus, the music video featured robots. Freak Nasty is totally an O.G. megalomaniac robo-overlord. 


Share This

About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world’s foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries.

Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

View all articles by Kristen Bobst

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *