5 Inanimate Objects More Entertaining than The Bachelor

To say Ben Flajnik is soft-spoken is an understatement.  He’s like alpaca fur-spoken.  Don’t get me wrong — I love a man of few words, and Ben Flajnik seems like a real nice guy.  But when it comes to reality TV, it’s like watching a duck float across a pond.

Here are 5 inanimate objects more entertaining than our newest Bachelor:

1) Stapler

Staplers have the ability to fasten papers together.  Ben Flajnik has the ability to part his hair perfectly down the middle.  Which sounds more utilitarian?

2) Leopard statue

This majestic beast can be placed at the entrance to your office, serving as both a ceremonious greeting and a firm warning against foulplay.  Ben Flajnik likes to wear T-shirts.

3) Shopping cart

Not only can you put food in it, but you can use it to race around the grocery mart!  If that’s not a rush of high-adrenaline fun, I don’t know what is.

Ben Flajnik does not recommend that you try to make wine from store-bought grapes.

4) Humorous desk calendar

A chuckle for every day of the year.  Ben Flajnik provides only an average of 0.2 chuckles per annum.

5) Chocolate fondue fountain

You may have seen one of these at a wedding.  You put some food on a stick and smother it in chocolate.  How exciting!

After rejecting his proposal on last season of The Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert told Ben Flajnik, “You are one of the most interesting…smart…funny guys I’ve ever met.”  Ben Flajnik asked her not to sugarcoat it.  Maybe she should’ve led with “handsome” or even “well-coiffed.”

So unlike a chocolate fondue fountain, Ben Flajnik does not like things sugarcoated, and that’s just no fun at all.


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About the author

Erika Cervantes

Hi!  I'm Erika.  I'm a comedy writer, a Chihuahua mama, a cupcake enthusiast, and most importantly...I keep the team well-sugared with motivational speeches and home-made cookies.

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