We bet five of those romances would look something like this:
1. Dumbledore Loves Hagrid
After work, Dumbledore and Hagrid head over to West Hogsmeade (or WeHog) to wind down at the wizard bear bar, WolfWolf’s. There they freak each other and down a dozen Red-Bull-and-vodkas until Dumbledore throws up every flavor of bean in a bag of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. Later that night, Hagrid takes “lightweight-Alby” back to Hogwarts by Hippogriff.
2. Severus Snape Loves Harry’s Mom
In an alternate universe, Harry’s Mom survives Voldemort’s attack, and Severus arrives only moments after to console her as she mourns her fallen husband. As the weeks pass, Severus fills the void left by Harry’s dad, until Lily falls in love with the “gothic stud” and asks him to move in with her and Harry.
Harry grows up with Severus as his step-dad, and is given the unenviable task of having to wake up every morning to find Snape at the breakfast table staring him down, holding a copy of The Daily Prophet, and clad only in his tightie-“blackies.”
3. Hermione Loves Draco
When Harry and Ron tell Hermione for the one-hundreth time to leave Draco because he’s cheating on her, Hermione tells them they’re just jealous. Later, Hermione sees Draco cheating on her with her own eyes and breaks it off herself.
Hermonie gets mad at Ron and Harry for not warning her, so Ron and Harry use the Time Turner to show Hermione that, in fact, they did tell her from the beginning that Draco was bad news. Unfortunately, going back in time only leaves Hermione to wonder whether she shouldn’t give Draco one more shot — leading Harry and Ron to perform Avada Kedavra curses on themselves.
4. Harry Loves Ron
The innocent bromance between Ron and Harry suddenly turns into a steamy romance when Ron and Harry decide to pitch a tent all by themselves at the Quidditch World Cup one year. After the game, Ron and Harry have too many butter beers and, the following morning, find themselves in each others arms.
On the surface, the both of them remain in denial about their love for each other, but that doesn’t stop them from taking trips alone together every summer. They tell Aunt Petunia and Mrs. Weasley that all they do is go “wizard fishing,” but what they really do is set up a campsite deep within the Forbidden Forest — and play with each other’s wands all day.
5. Bellatrix Loves Voldemort
After a long day of torturing Muggles using Cruciatus curses, Voldy and Bella retire to their S & M love dungeon hidden in the basement of the Chamber of Secrets. Things get awkward when Bellatrix tells Voldy she wants to try a three-way, and brings into the dungeon a sketchy-looking Dragon she met online.