30 Rock Recap: 30 Rock Out-Gays Modern Family

Aha!  Jack and Kenneth are now gay lovers!

We don’t blame you, Jack.  With that Southern tan, his ambiguously racist undertones and his folksy voice, Kenneth is like a member of The Tea Party we’d actually sleep with.

Exhibit 1:  Jack, Kenneth, and Jack’s daughter now make up a gay modern family.

[Cameron from Modern Family just let out a long, dramatic gasp.]

Then, when the president of the Wool company tries to hit on a woman who he thinks is Jenna, but discovers that it’s really Paul, Jenna’s boyfriend, dressed up as Jenna.  The real Jenna emerges dressed up as a man with a beard.  Jenna and Paul kiss and then Paul munches on Jenna’s beard, creating such a supergay moment that my Will & Grace DVD box set looks straight in comparison.

But where is Jenna and Paul’s kid?

Didn’t you see the midget in the jester costume?  I think it’s pretty clear that this midget is Jenna and Paul’s secret love child.

Exhibit 2:  Jenna, Paul, and their midget child represent a gay modern family.

Oooh, what now, Modern Family?  What’s your next move?  Asking RuPaul and that pregnant “man” to guest star on your next episode?

Finally, Liz Lemon does community service wearing a handkerchief on her head.  Handkerchiefs are widely recognized as the traditional headwear for lesbians.  But Liz can’t be the only lesbian in a gay family unit.  So who’s her other half?

Well, if you recall, Liz had a dream sequence during the show, and who appeared as her neighbor?  Ina Garten.  And who does Ina Garten bare a striking resemblance to?

Rosie O’Donnell.  The famous lesbian talk show host who is often seen wearing handkerchiefs on her head.

Ina Garten is clearly Liz’s secret lesbian lover!

But who is their child?

Lutz!

Lutz wears diapers and ends up looking like a giant baby.  We can only conclude that he is the secret love child of Liz and Garten.

Ladies and gays, I rest my case.

30 Rock is officially the new gayest family sitcom on television.

The only thing that’ll defeat 30 Rock now is if Lady Gaga, her godson, and her godson’s father, Elton John, get a reality TV show called “Two and a half Gays.”

(I’d totally watch that.  Don’t tell me you wouldn’t.  Liar.)

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