3 Golden Sisters Perform Mary’s Rap

Yes, you did just hear that sweet old lady earnestly say “suck his middle leg,” not in reference to either of the two limbs with feet on the end. And let me tell you something – you loved it. It probably made you a little uncomfortable, and it definitely shocked you a bit, but after it was over you thought to yourself “whoa…” And then you thought “I LOVE those three women, their terrible ‘rapping,’ and their penchant for vulgarity!”

This video has everything that is popular today: sassy old ladies (re:Betty White), rapping (re: every rapper alive and not alive), and silly, borderline-bad-but-ridiculous-enough-to-be-good lyrics (re: Friday, Call Me Maybe, pop music, etc.). In fact, the three women in the video, the older Mary (in the middle) and the twins Teresa (right) and Josie, went a little viral recently when they posted a video of the three of them watching and reacting to the horror that is the Kim Kardashian And Ray-J Sex Tape. That was funny. But this is just beyond perfect.

While Mary raps in the middle, the twins stand behind her echoing, out of sync of course, particularly random words, like “understand,” “wife,” and “bed.” And how could you not love Teresa’s “ba-boop-ba-choo” in the background in what has to be the most simultaneously awful and adorable beatboxing attempt ever? Or Mary and Josie’s disgust with Teresa when she loudly proclaims “suck” and Mary’s insistence on “rub,” which really doesn’t make the phrase less vulgar at all? Plus, Mary explains that this is something she worked on whenever she was irritated with her husband – over the course of fifty years. Fifty years of this rap! I could watch it on loop for fifty years and it would never get old.

These women have something like a dozen videos on their YouTube channel where they discuss a wide variety of almost exclusively sex-related topics, like a man with a 20-month erection, a 70 year-old virgin, and the Secret Service Colombian scandal. Each is as precious and as priceless as the last, but there is nothing on this earth better than the last devious look Teresa gives the camera as she defends her word choice. “I think suck is better,” she grins, as Mary throws the notepad down in disgust, and Josie puts her head in her hands saying, “We’re not supposed to say anything sexual anymore!” No, ladies — never stop.


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