15 Assorted Harry Potter Insults

What’s a Potter-loving nerd to do when she encounters a malevolent muggle or wand-wielding wizard who doesn’t appreciate geekery?

  Insult them, of course!

We’ve compiled a list of 15 killer comebacks — chock-full of Harry Potter lexicon — that will destroy those despicable Dursleys and merciless Malfoys.  Accio Harry Potter Insults!

1.  I wish Protego could shield me from your ugliness.

2.  Here’s some floo powder, be sure to speak unintelligibly.

Harry Potter Insults

Oooooh, burn!


3.  You keep talking, but all I hear is Moaning Myrtle.

4.  I’d like to turn all your belongings into Portkeys.

5.  You’re about as smart as Dudley is skinny.

6.  I’d say that I like you, but I shall not tell lies.

7.  Leave before I do something that allows me to see a Thestral.

8.  You suck the life out of a party like a Dementor sucks the soul out of a mouth.


9.  Let’s make an Unbreakable Vow that you never come near me.

10.  Whenever someone says something nice about you, my Sneakoscope starts whistling.

11.  If Voldemort were still around, I’d tell him you were the Chosen One.

12.  You’re the reason Mandrakes cry.

13.  Here’s some Polyjuice Potion. Go turn into someone else.

14.  Unless the Prophecy says you’re going to walk away right now, I don’t want to hear it.

15.  Snape sent an owl.  He wants his greasy hair back.

Snape, Insulted

Pardon me? 50 points from Gryffindor!


Love these Harry Potter Insults?  Check out Laura and Birdy’s book on the same subject!

Also, if you’re a Harry Potter fan, check out some of these:

Harry Potter Pick-up Lines

How to Get Into Hogwarts

BAMF Girls Club


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About the author

Laura J. Moss, a Gryffindor who played Chaser for her house Quidditch team, is an editor at the Mother Nature Network. She has a master’s degree in journalism from the University of South Carolina and her articles have appeared on CNN.com, The Huffington Post, Forbes.com and Yahoo. She also writes young-adult novels and enjoys baking pumpkin pasties. Birdy Jones, a Ravenclaw who represented her house in the Triwizard Tournament, is a video producer for the Mother Nature Network. She has a master's degree in video production from DePaul University and has used her magic to self-publish two children's books. She also writes middle-grade and young-adult novels and enjoys tricking people into eating the gross flavors of Bertie Bott's every Flavor Beans. Need a spell to help ward off those magical bullies? They've got just the thing. Accio Harry Potter Insults!

View all articles by Laura J. Moss and Birdy Jones

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