Ladies of the straight persuasion, here’s how to tell if the guy you’re crushing on is the next boy you’re gonna bone — or just your next BFF:
10. Watch out for the following musical artists in his iTunes playlist:
Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Paulina Rubio, or pre-Back to Basics Christina Aguilera.
9. Look out for a heavy predominance of light, bright colors in his attire.
If you ask him what color he is currently wearing and the response is something specific like: “Amethyst,” “Atomic Tangerine,” “Azure Blue,” “Salmon Pink,” “Venetian Red,” or “Canary Yellow” — your gaydar should be set on red alert.
8. If his hair looks good, he’s most likely gay.
But be careful: there are some straight guys who — by some act of God — manage to have good hair.
(To tell the difference between homosexuals and metrosexuals, refer to number 7.)
7. Where do his eyes linger?
Wear your most provocative dress, and then, when you catch him checking you out, pay attention to what he says afterwards.
If he says, “I love that dress,” he’s gay.
If he says, “Excuse me, but I need to sit down for a moment,” he’s straight.
6. Any kind of make-up is a dead give away.
But then again, they could just be the lead singer of a punk rock band.
The way to tell the difference between a punk rocker and a gay man is that punk rockers never have a bottle of glitter as part of their make-up supplies — but gay men who like to get done up do.
5. Examine his posture.
Raised shoulders, raised chin, frequent “pursing of the lips,” crossing of the legs with toes pointed rather than relaxed, a sort of “sassy” swagger — all of these are signs that your boy crush may just be part of the “family.”
4. Pay attention to his voice.
Though not true for all of the gays, some men who have a lisp (who hang on their S’s) can be suspected of belonging to the “rainbow coalition.”
3. How clean are they?
If all unruly hairs have been removed and he has incredibly soft, blemish-free skin, then he’s likely part of the “unicorn lovers club.”
2. What types of activities does he engage in?
If he enjoys great food, high-class entertainment, picturesque vistas, and dislikes drinking generic beer, watching Monday Night Football, and postponing showering until absolutely necessary, then I’m afraid you might just be crushing on the next president of the HRC.
1. Have you looked at his face while ovulating?
A study by Psychological Science recently proved that women who were ovulating were far more accurate than non-ovulating women at telling whether a man is gay or not.
So gals, if you want to have exceptional gaydar, find out when you’re at your peak “baby-making” time and then take a good look at the face of the man you’re crushing on.
If you see soft features and an eyebrow piercing, you’re looking at your next gay best friend.
If you see eye boogers and a unibrow — congratulations! You’re looking at your next husband.