Being a slut isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And I don’t mean just because people give you dirty looks and ostracize you from their social circles. I mean it’s hard to get laid, hard to keep your head right and a lot of work playing the field. But in order to be a player, you have to know the rules of the game first.
1. Be a “G”
Attitude is everything. If you’re going to take guys home and have your way with them you’ll need to play it confident and cool. Yes, you can rock his world. (Say it!) I don’t care about how many awkward sexual encounters you had in college like that time when you got a condom stuck on your foot. Forget those. Walk into the room like you own it. And then own some dude’s sexy ass.
2. Safety First
I know what you’re thinking. Girls can’t carry condoms because then we look like sluts. Why else would we need condoms unless we were sleeping around? Well, I’ve got news for you: you are a slut, or at least you’re trying to be one. And I would rather be a slut than a parent or someone with herpes. Get some jimmy hats in that purse, girl!
3. Don’t sleep with guys you actually like.
This seems insane, but it’s paramount to your success as a ho. If you bang someone you actually like, then you’re not going to want to bang anyone else and it’s going to mess up your mojo. So stay away from guys that have more than one of the following qualities: smart, interesting, kind, funny, fun, mature. If they have three of those qualities, you’re in the danger zone – just be friends.
4. Practice your lies ahead of time.
Even men need to be romanced and romance requires lying. Here are some examples of lies you may have to tell: “That’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen,” “You’re only the third guy I’ve ever slept with,” “I love your hair!” Practice makes perfect.
5. Build your repertoire of pick-up lines.
Pick-up lines rarely work on women anymore, because we’re trained to anticipate them. Flip the script on a guy, however, and they will eat it up. Men love the attention because they rarely get it. And even though we’ve prepared our line about the “biggest part” of him, the truth is it’s his ego, so get to stroking.
6. Flirting 101
For some people flirting doesn’t come naturally, but it’s actually quite simple. If you want a more subtle approach than a pick-up line, here are the three things you must remember: consistent eye contact, hair tossing and laughing at all his jokes. (Yes, even the bad ones.)
7. Join a gym.
Let’s be real; most guys who go to gyms go to ogle women, not lift weights. If you need a quick, sure thing it’s the best place to find one. Plus, all that sweating and grunting sets a nice, animalistic mood for foreplay.
8. Practice proper sextiquette.
Men are visual, so send pictures. And I don’t mean of your lunch or new shoes – this isn’t Instagram (#foodpornisnotrealporn) – I mean something like your cleavage, or your butt, or your half naked body in some lingerie or something Penthouse might print. Warning: you might get something back that you don’t really want to see.
9. Don’t cuddle.
We all love cuddling, but doing so releases those “attachment” chemicals in your brain. And a true ho flies free like a bird. After all, the name of this game is not getting him to put a ring on it. It’s just getting him to ring your bell.
10. Don’t give him your real name.
Giving guys your real name begins a downward spiral of being honest about everything: like the fact that you do have feelings, are interested in actually knowing someone, and may want a relationship somewhere down the line. That’s okay – but he’s just an object and doesn’t need to know. Let those desires lay dormant while you explore your inner ho-bag, and pick your favorite character from a movie for your namesake.
Hannah Has a Ho-Phase
Written by Jamie Jensen (who also wrote this article), produced by Nadia Munla, and co-directed by the two of them–Hannah Has a Ho-Phase is a hilarious sex romp that features some amazing female talent on the screen and behind the scenes! Are you having a Ho-Phase or a No-Phase? Watch Hannah Has a Ho-Phase on iTunes here!
