Netflix’s Orange is the New Black has caused quite the stir with its complete amazingness, giving audiences an array of diverse badass female protagonists to root for inside the fictional Litchfield, NY prison. But what other TV characters would we love to see interact with Chapman and friends? Or better yet, beat the crap out of Pornstache and Healy?
1. Faith Lehane (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel)
Obviously, our chosen girl #2, Faith. She’s always ready for a fight, super hot, and usually down for a party (any kind of party, really), plus she’s already been to prison and knows all the ropes. So let’s make this happen. Soon. Now?
2. Nancy Botwin (Weeds)
Also well acquainted with prison is Nancy Botwin, also the genius creation of OITNB executive producer Jenji Kohan. Apparently Kohan liked the world of women’s prison so much on Weeds that she wanted to do an entire show about it. Nancy and Piper come from pretty similar white washy backgrounds, and could bond over memories of frappuccinos and expensive shoes!
3. Sarah Manning (Orphan Black)
Orphan Black on BBC America is the other female-driven awesome show making a splash this summer, and badass hottie mchotster Sarah Manning would also make a great addition to Litchfield. Cuz… guys. She’s British. And she has cool hair. And … there are lots of her. Oh god, I just broke the first rule of Clone Club!!
4. Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)
Gun toting, former Canadian pop star Robin Scherbatsky could certainly outsnark assholes like Pornstache, and it seems like she’d be besties with Alex Vause. Or maybe they’d just look cute together, but whatevs.
5. Sydney Bristow (Alias)
Let’s not forget about master-of-disguise Sydney Bristow, CIA agent extraordinaire. Sydney kicked serious ass against evil terrorists and could certainly do the same to anyone who messed with her in Litchfield. Perhaps she’d be one of Red’s daughters, and rule the kitchen.
6. Tara Thornton (True Blood)
Tara, Sookie’s former bestie, has yet to be utilized for her full badass potential on True Blood, so I say let’s just transfer her over to OITNB. Tara proudly dons her chronic bitch face, and therefore would make a great addition to the best friendship in the entire universe, Taystee and Poussey. I guess she wouldn’t get much track time because of the whole vampire thing, but that’s okay. Also okay? Bringing Pam along, cuz all of the yes.
7. River Tam (Firefly)
River was brain-tortured by evil space scientists for awhile, so I’m pretty sure she could handle, well, anything at Litchfield. This girl can kill Reavers (see above), fly a spaceship, and can also be super cute when she wants. I could see her and Suzanne hanging out, but unfortunately I don’t think River would be down to be anyone’s wife.
8. Olivia Pope (Scandal)
Olivia can squash a vicious rumor like a bug, and therefore would be pretty useful over at Litchfield. She’d be great to see in a scene with Miss Claudette, another inmate who never lets anyone walk all over her.
9. Sloan Sabbith (The Newsroom)
Let’s take a minute to look at financial analyst Sloan from The Newsroom, in glasses. Okay, cool. Oh, right, uh. My point is that Sloan is smart as hell, and can also deliver super fast Sorkin-dialogue, meaning she could shut down a bitch real fast. I’m also not sure where she would fit in at Litchfield, since she’s half-Chinese, but I’m definitely willing to find out.
10. Callie Torres (Grey’s Anatomy)
Callie warmed her way into our hearts long ago, whilst courting George back on the golden days of Grey’s Anatomy. Now, she plays for Arizona Robbins’ team, but it would certainly be fun to see Callie at Litchfield with Daya’s crew. Maybe she’d break down barriers and eventually go for Piper, y’know, since she likes blondes.